Right, so, my apologies to all my adoring fans. In recompense, I promise a new entry every day next week from Monday through Friday. It has been way too long since last I made a list for all to view. Thing is, no school excuses allowed. That was my excuse for three weeks, but I haven't been stressed about that in a while. To be completely truthful, something with my health came up and I've been pretty worried and didn't want to blog until I found out the results. Long story short, the doctor does not have to slice my neck open and remove one of my vertebrae. But don't worry, we're checking again on that next year. I'll keep you posted... ha ha! Get it? It's a blog, and I'll keep you posted. Oh, I slay me.
Well, moving right along... let's talk about love. Not very many of these posts will be directly influenced by the sitcom Friends, but this is one of them (no, I will not be listing my five favorite "Friends"... aww, poor Monica). In an episode around season three, the friends are hanging out in the coffee house and discuss "the list." Basically, everyone gets five celebrities that they can sleep with sans any ramifications from significant others--that's right, a free pass. I'll spare you the details of the episode (you can go Netflix that gem, if you simply must know), but the point is, Brian and I have been a little obsessed with our lists since about the time we moved in together around the turn of the century. Our deal is that we can rotate the people on our lists, but the other one must be familiar with the current roster of the other. It actually winds up being fun, and has really opened up our relationship to comments such as "He's hot" or "I'd do her" while participating in pop culture-related activities. We're truly on a whole other plateau.
Top 5 Celebrities I Get to Do and Still Stay Married
1. Topher Grace
I love him. He's been on my list since I knew this clause was allowed within a committed relationship. His comic timing is phenomonal. What can I say? The tall, skinny boys get to me, and even though the Pong-playing-Star Wars-loving-boy-next-door Eric Forman is fictional, I sense he is not all that different in real life. What other celebrity holds weekly Monopoly games with only non-famous friends?
2. Jon Stewart
The host of the Daily Show is the only other guy who's managed to stay on my list since its inception. When it comes to an older man, I will definitely take one who is hilarious, smart, and hot. Who doesn't like this guy? My quippy vocabulary will never be the same after I saw that man shake his fist and yell, "Ratzinger." And, despite wearing suits and hiding behind his corresponence desk, I'm pretty positive this man has exceptional legs, because he was a college soccer player. Oh, and he lives in New York City, the best town in the world.
3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
You might know him as the kid on Third Rock from the Sun, but I don't. I never watched that show, but I've really fallen for this guy in Brick and The Lookout. He has true acting talent, and he is a good reason to go see something like Stop Loss (sorry ladies, Ryan Phillipe is not an acceptable justification to shell out $8.50). Rumor has it he's even good Mysterious Skin, directed by Gregg Araki. Araki is the guy that brought Nowhere into this world, a film only topped on my list of worst movies of all time by Anti-Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera. Seriously, unless your definition of a great film is spotting the acting triumvirate of Staci Keanan, Denise Richards, and Shannen Doherty don't bother. Gregg Araki: I will hunt you down and kill you... no, I don't make threats, I'm just a fan quoting. But I digress... Mr. Gordon-Levitt owns his roles and picks interesting ones when he could be doing romantic comedy shlock.
4. Julian Casablancas
Lead-singer of the Strokes. He writes great lyrics, he's part of one of my favorite bands, and he doesn't really worry about bathing. He's got the right priorities. All the boys in this band are totally fab... okay, one of them is Fab, but... I'm sorry. I'm officially checking the puns at the door. I don't know what's wrong with me today. At any rate, the Strokes is one of the rare bands that I fell in love with instantly. I generally have to listen to an album once or twice, leave it alone for a while (often months) and then go back to it to form a general opinion. In the case of all three of this band's records, I loved them immediately, and I remember that this is one of the groups I really did get to first. I got Is This It right when it came out and told all my friends about it. I don't take credit for their success (I think it's stupid when people feel they have more of a right to art because they discovered it first), I just feel good that I let other people know about great music. Oh yeah, he's also cute.
5. Thom Yorke
The rock stars are taking over. At one point, my list was completely actors, but music's more my thing. Beck was on it for a while until I found out he was a scientologist. Not attractive. Either how, Yorke is truly a musical genius, as I've mentioned once or twice in the past. There are not very many people in the world I truly consider to be genius, but he is. His music is like no one else's (and he's got a kickin' band with just as much talent). It's Radiohead, man. What can I say? Just go listen.
And the runners up...
Christian Bale has been the sixth guy on my Top 5 List, and Brian even accepts this, but for purposes of this blog, 6 ≠ 5. Perhaps we could call this the "Top 5 + 1 Celebrities I Get to Do and Still Stay Married." My co-heart will get that one. At any rate, the Dark Knight is as good as on my list, but he was the one chosen to be put down here because I think enough girls are already in love with him, particularly girls I know, so I don't want to step on any toes.
I've always said that Ryan Adams would make the list if he weren't so drugged up. Apparently he has recently gone straight, but I'm going to wait and see. It needs to be at least 5 years from the day he fell off a stage and broke his wrist for me to consider him sober.
Last, Milo Ventimiglia is the epitome of my "type." However, I only seem to love him when watching Heroes or old episodes of The Gilmore Girls, and for me, absence does not make the heart grow fonder.
Whenever I share this list with people, they tend to be surprised by how "unhot" my list is. I guess I like famous people who don't act very famous. You never hear stories about these guys breaking the law, and I've never scanned any of their pictures on the cover of Tabloids while waiting in the grocery line. When it comes down to it, I like guys who are good at what they do, and I consider these specimens to be quite talented. They also tend to be a little on the dorky side. Takes one to know one. So, I'm only going to go for a guy I respect, even when I'm completely disrespecting myself and my marriage while climbing into the proverbial elevator at the Oscars.
But none of this will ever happen. I don't mean to gloat, but I got the best guy there is for me. He's the Eric to my Donna, the Stewart to my Colbert, the P.I. to my femme fatale, the juice to my box, the paranoid to my android, and yes, even the Jum-Jum to my Mio. Brian took care of me the whole time I was worried about this whole medical thing, and the rest of these guys barely did anything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't listen to In Rainbows in the last couple weeks, but I tend to need a little face time with my men.
I love Cake.